For someone who takes pride in best expressing herself through the written word, I find myself struggling to give life to exactly what it is I am feeling. Mostly I feel sad - and a bit embarrassed about feeling sad - but this is something that has weighed heavily on me for a while. I would like to preface all of this with admitting that I am not extremely knowledgeable when it comes to politics, and on some level I am okay with that. We live in a time where it is next to impossible to find a source that will deliver the facts without eagerly lacing in fallacious language and taking every opportunity to sling mud at those who may see things differently. As a writer and creator I understand that powerful, heavily opinionated language stirs emotion, and emotion results in passion and sometimes even action. However, as an INFP (mediator) I find myself caught somewhere in the middle, caring less about being right and preaching my politics and more about focusing on the love I have for people and the good I want to do while I can. If you aren't familiar with or don't put stock in the Myers-Briggs personalities, then you can blame it on my heavily empathetic and dangerously emotional way of existing. Regardless, what I suppose I'm trying to convey more than anything is a sense of helplessness. I have people who I love so dearly all over the political spectrum, and that love goes so much deeper than the boxes they check on a ballot. So when I log onto Facebook or Twitter only to see hate spoken against everyone, it hurts me deeply. It hurts me that the either-or fallacy runs so deeply and that in times of high tension people are so quick to put others in a box because, quite frankly, it's easier to do that than to swallow one's pride and attempt an intelligent discussion.
In Psychology 101 the one thing that really stuck with me is the fact that when two people with opposing view points enter a debate, the most likely outcome is that they will only walk away feeling more strongly about their original opinion than they did to begin with. So in a way, I shouldn't be surprised in the slightest the way tempers go from zero to one hundred in a second when I scroll through Facebook comments or turn on the news. Regardless, it never stops hurting. It hurts to want nothing more for people to spread love and put differences aside while simultaneously knowing that because of human nature, that will simply never happen. It hurts to be a "registered Independent", someone who is pro-life, in favor of net neutrality, cares very much so about the environment, and deeply loves my country in spite of everything and feeling there's no one to identify with because I'm not "left" or "right". If I refrain from publicly talking politics I'm considered politically apathetic, which is frowned upon. However, if I share how I really feel on any topic I'm sure to be pushed into a box with a label slapped on and it will not matter what I do or say from that moment on. It hurts to be so afraid to even be sharing all of this on my own website because I don't want to upset anyone. I sometimes wish I could turn off the excess feeling and overthinking and bravely wave my somewhere-in-the-middle flag, but I can't and mostly I don't really want to.
At the end of the day, my hope doesn't rest on the political spectrum or with any politician. My hope and my future rests with someone much, much greater. To some, I'm sure that I come off as naive or careless, and that's going to have to be okay with me. The hardest part of being an INFP is wanting to please everyone, but the most important thing I've learned so far is that it is absolutely impossible to do so. There is so much hate spewed daily, from the everyday people behind the computer screen to the highest levels of government, and I refuse to take part in it. I don't know if I've made any sense at all or if I've just come across as whiny and immature, but again this is something I needed to write for my own sanity. If you are reading this and you publicly fight for what you believe in, please don't think I'm suggesting you are doing a bad thing. Rather, I applaud you for believing in something and choosing to stand up for it in spite of whatever discouragement or hate you may face. I only hope that kindness and love are always at the forefront.